*words in “[]” are her comments..
WORLD HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its
origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not
exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and
philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief and
concise, yet specific.
[Hello, library. Can i sleep over?]
ASTRONOMY
Define the universe; give three examples.
[Examples of WHAT? The universe?]
MEDICINE
You
will be provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of
Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been
inspected. You have 15 minutes.
[2 full seasons of Grey’s Anatomy should do the trick.]
COMPUTER SCIENCE
Write
a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, create a
computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
[Hello. i can’t even do C++ or whatever you call that!]
PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five
hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them.
You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.
[This should be fun!]
CIVIL ENGINEERING
This
is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes
of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your
weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric
acid.
[I’d rather drown in nitric acid.]
MECHANICAL ENGINEERING
The
disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your
desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In
10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take
whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your
decision.
[I didn’t understand a word of the instructions.]
ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
You
will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the
electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You
have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the
reactor melts down.
[I’m scared of wires, grounds and sparks and such.]
BIOLOGY
Create
life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form
of life had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to
the probable effect, if any, on the Philippine social spectrum circa
1640. Prove your thesis.
[Cloning, right?]
RELIGION
Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.
[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i love this.]
MUSIC
Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
[They create mini-pianos now?]
LOGIC
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.
[I never got a good grade in Logic. Blame Sir Doy.]
CHEMISTRY
You
must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table.
All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at
your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is
used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor
injects you with a sample of the poison.
[Sort of like Harry Potter book #1, huh?]
PSYCHOLOGY
Based
on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional
stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of
the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea,
and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man’s
work, making appropriate references. Translate all quotations in
Tagalog.
[What?]
SOCIOLOGY
Identify the
sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the
world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
[Hello Evolution, Exchange and Conflict theories.]
ECONOMICS
Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.
[This type of exam would depress me.]
MATHEMATICS
You have 60 seconds to mentally solve the mathematical problem below. Begin. 8,256.091 + _________ – ________ x ________ ΒΈ ________ = – 38.07623
[I was never good at math either.]
(Bonus question: Why is 11 not pronounced onety one? Provide a full numerical analysis in justifying your answer.)
[This is like…1+1=11]
POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
[I know how to do this. >:)]
ART
Given
one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper,
recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true
to life.
[Michaelangelo went blind due to painting the Sistine Chapel. Does that tell you something?]
PHYSICS
Explain
the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of
the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
[I feel a major headache coming on again.]
METAPHYSICS
Describe in detail the nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.
[Hello, Sir Doy. Again. I should read your journal article about metaphysics.]
PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
[Confucius. Buddha. Plato. Aristotle. HAHAHAHA.]
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
[Are we done?]
HAHAHAHAHA
you’ll already be literally dead in the Medicine exam. Hahahaha. Or
better yet, I’ll just commit suicide since death is what the exams want
from us in the end.
::on nano..::